


Teach Me How To Say Goodbye

by BuellersFueller



Series: Teach Me How To Say Goodbye (Hamilton & Marvel Resurrection AU) [1]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alexander Hamilton's death, Angst, Bisexual Male Character, F/M, Gay Male Character, Implied Relationships, Long winded discussion of death, M/M, Me dealing with Alexander's death, Seeing people you miss and love as you die, That's basically what this is, and adding a little bit of gay, duel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-18
Updated: 2016-02-18
Packaged: 2018-05-21 10:32:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 689
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6048250
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BuellersFueller/pseuds/BuellersFueller
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Me dealing with Alexander Hamilton's death and an interpretation of why he aimed for the sky.</p>
<p>"When the shot hits it burns but as he dies, with Eliza and Angelica beside him again, he sees Phillip and John and George and his mother and he is so pleased to see them again and he wonders if Eliza and Angelica think he’s talking to them as he says “I love you.” again and again."</p>
<p>Can be read independently</p>
            </blockquote>





	Teach Me How To Say Goodbye

It wasn’t a normal day when it happened. It was shortly after his last, challenging correspondence with Burr. It was doomed be a long day no matter how it ended. Getting no sleep wouldn’t help with the bone deep weariness that he’d been trying fight off since his son… Since Phillip’s duel. So he stayed up. Wrote Eliza a letter at the last possible moment so she wouldn’t find it early and talk him out of anything. This had to be done. 

It had to end. He was tired of fighting. If he could beat Burr, if he could aim for the sky, if he, himself, could be beaten, anything was better than the non-stop letters, the non-stop arguments, the weight of his losses. Laurens, Washington, Hamilton. Graves he had to visit. His mother, the woman he had to remember every time he considered his past. The wonderful woman who had tried for him, who had died next to him, and who had loved him. The tear between him and Angelica, the differences in his relationship with Eliza.

Eliza who deserved better, who he should have put first, who he had missed, who he desperately hoped wouldn’t be angry with him for this but who was he even kidding at this point. They were trying but it was hard and this was a foolish thing to attempt.

It wasn’t a normal morning as he sailed across the Hudson. He felt the ever-present weight, he brought the doctor who hadn’t saved Phillip, he brought his closet friend left alive. He left the letter for Eliza, the best women, the best of wives, at the house and carried another with him, one for the deceased. He dropped into the Hudson and watched as it drift away saw the names on the envelope turn to smear indiscernible, he imagined that in the next world or following him as ghosts they would find it. That Phillip would protest and that Laurens would read solemnly and that Washington would argue with the letter as if it would make a difference as if he could convince Alexander that this didn’t have to happen, as if he could hear, as if Alexander ever listened.

It wasn’t a normal confrontation with Burr. They weren’t playful or irate or even plainly angry. It was solemn. It was tense. It was not what he wanted for the end but it the damn weight that had settled on his chest, that weighed him down at every turn, would just dissipate then he didn’t care if this was the last thing he ever saw.

It wasn’t a normal duel. After all he aimed his pistol towards the sky and he still heard the gunshot. But what was normal duel. After his Phillip aimed for the sky and he still was made to die. The weight feels heavier. He hears Burr scream when he realizes. But he knows it’s too late, he’s caught a glimpse of the other side of sad smiles and he thinks Phillip might be crying. He knew then that it wouldn’t end any other way.

When the shot hits it burns but as he dies, with Eliza and Angelica beside him again, he sees Phillip and John and George and his mother and he is so pleased to see them again and he wonders if Eliza and Angelica think he’s talking to them as he says “I love you.” again and again. The world is fading around him but the four that he’s missed so much stay and the weight has lifted and he’s happy again.

He smiles when he dies, just a small thing that falls from his lips in his very last moment. He floats without the weight and he is so happy and he knows he will miss them but it’s okay. Eliza can have time to live without the burden of him and the Reynolds Pamphlet breathing over her shoulder. The relief he feels is jarring but he hugs his son, let's Washington calls him son, and he feels John Laurens take his hand for the first time in decades and that is enough.


End file.
